The word on the street is "struggle"

As the kids were watching Sesame Street this morning while I was getting ready to take Isabel to dance, I happened to catch a little scene with Tyra Banks. She was trying to put on a sweater, and was teaching about the word struggle. She struggled and struggled to finally get it on, then when the sweater was on, she said the word struggle about 4 times. Interesting that struggle should happen to be the "word on the street" today.

After dance, Brian and I went to our first parent/teacher conference for Connor. We walked into the classroom and sat down across from Mrs. Prough (pronounced Pro). First thing she said was, "how is Connor doing?" I looked at her for a minute, and then said two words: "he's struggling." "I know," was her reply.

This wasn't exactly earth-shattering news to us, and it was nice to have a chance to sit down and really discuss things. Connor's academics are really strong - advanced in some areas - and he is starting to read really well. But his social abilities are causing some concerns, as I feared they would. He is struggling big-time with recess, and the unstructured interaction that it brings. There has been a child who has been somewhat controlling over Connor, which hasn't helped. But mostly he just struggles to have appropriate and meaningful interactions.

He has become fixated on his "long" days (T and Th) because there are 3 recesses. This fixation often gets in the way of him enjoying other parts of school. He must ask me - and dad - and Mrs. Prough - 100 times a day why there has to be long days at school. We talk about it incessantly. Sometimes I have to draw a line and say we can talk about anything he wants, but not about recess. As a parent, it is so difficult to walk that line between enablement and tough-love. With Connor, I find myself walking it a lot.

Mrs. Prough has been doing some role-plays in the classroom to help teach how to play with others, and has assigned him special play buddies from time to time. She has created a picture schedule that he keeps at his desk to help him know how the day will go, and what is coming next. And she has spent a lot of time with him at recess lately. She felt like yesterday they reached a new level of comfort for the first time, and he did report having had a better day yesterday.

Because of his autism, he has an IEP (individual education program) to help him get the services he needs (mainly speech and special education). Mrs. Prough and Brian and I agree that he needs more special ed (Mrs. Claypool is the special ed teacher) and less speech. Mrs. Prough reports that Connor is much more relaxed when she or Mrs. Claypool is working with him. He currently has only 15 minutes twice a week of special ed support, and Mrs. Prough said it's not cutting it. The most effective way to see that changed, she said, is to push the school to provide more.

So, after the conference Brian and I went to the principal's office, and he welcomed us into his office immediately to discuss our concerns. He agreed more support is needed, and is going to bring it up at a meeting on Monday to formulate a plan to help Connor adjust more and struggle less.

Again, we all feel - Mrs. Prough, the Principal, Brian and I - that there is a fine line in place. I don't want Connor to become too co-dependent on an adult, but as has been the case before, he needs some more tools to help him adjust to this new world of kindergarten. Oh, it's so different from preschool! The principal said he might try much more support for a specific time frame, then back off a bit to see how Connor handles things, and to really identify his needs.

There are many parts of school Connor enjoys: art, music, reading, 4th-grade reading buddies, writing. He is engaged in his work and follows directions. He just struggles socially. And Mrs. Prough is very in tune to the fact that he is also a very senstive boy.

So, there you have it. We all struggle with things, right? I guess the lesson is to learn from our struggles. We all feel Connor can get there, with the right support. He has so many strenghts, and they will help fill in his weakness. We love him dearly and want him to succeed in whatever ways he can. And we know he will!

In other news, I think if you look up "power struggle" in the dictionary, it might simply say, "Melissa and Isabel."

I am a firm believer that the terrible twos are not so much a real thing, but 3 is a significantly more challenging age. As Miss Isabel has entered the home stretch to her third birthday (which is next Saturday), holy schnockers has she become challenging. She can be the sweetest thing in the world, "oh, mommy, you're so beautiful! you're so nice. I love your shirt" all said with hugs and kisses and the sweetest voice imaginable. And then, as though a switch has been flipped, she is a nightmare. She literally goes from this:

to this:

in a matter of seconds. Power struggles from morning 'til evening. "I wanted to go first! I wanted to do it myself! I wanted my shirt on and then my shorts! I wanted to pick up my toothbrush myself! I only want to wear my orange dress!" and on and on and on. I'm fiesty and she's fiesty so you can imagine the power struggles. Again, because I'm not an indulger, I'm often willing to go the battle rather than give in and let her think temper tantrums are an effective way to get her message across. Yikes, she is as strong-willed as any child I've known. I'm holding on for a crazy ride with this one!

So there you have it. Struggle. Struggle. Struggle. Life is full of them. You gotta face 'em head on. You know, like Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music? "Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, 'til you find your dream."