The errand of angels

I am surrounded by strong women. I like to think somehow that makes me one of them. Define it how you want, but women who use their strength to lift up others inspire and humble me, especially those who can do so in the midst of the heaviest of trials.

If I were in charge of the world, I would do away with words like bitterness, entitlement, greed, and selfishness. They abound. They fill the headlines. They never end in happiness. I'd rather hear - and see -service, selflessness, charity, cheer and kindness. These rarely make the headlines. Fortunately, I need not look further than the women in my life to see these exemplified in the highest.

We recently had a play date with my dear friends Kristie, Elizabeth and Paula and some of our children, wherein we celebrated what would have been the 2nd birthday of a sweet little girl, Katherine, Paula's precious daughter. As she is not on the Earth to do so herself, the children all helped to blow out her two candles-

From the time that Katherine inexplicably returned to her heavenly home in June 2009 at just 5 months of age, through today, her 2nd birthday, I have been ever amazed at my friend's strength and faith. And now, she has gone on to help facilitate a new and ongoing grief group at The Children's Hospital, to lift and bless other families who are going through the same heart-wrenching experience of losing a child. I am so proud of my friend. Paula has been sharing some of her experiences and memories of losing Katherine on her blog if you are interested. Don't even bother heading over there without at least 3 boxes of tissue. The Dec. 31 post is among my favorites. If nothing else, it serves as a reminder of how fragile and temporary life can be, and has repeatedly caused me to be more patient, kind and forgiving toward my children (and others).

This year, my sister- and brother-in-law will become movie stars. You might remember that nearly 4 years ago, Kelley (Brian's sister) gave birth to twins at just 25 weeks gestation. Ressa (girl) and Cameron (boy) each weighed roughly 1 1/2 pounds. After three weeks, Ressa developed a fatal intestinal infection and passed away. Cameron survived, but has faced many battles. After Ressa's passing, Kelley became committed to pumping and donating breastmilk to a mother's milk bank in Dallas (where they live), in order to help other premature and sick infants. In approximately 15 months, Kelley donated 100 gallons of milk (this is AFTER feeding Cameron!) becoming the highest human milk donor ever in Dallas. She literally saved babies lives through her selfless sacrifice; I believe she continues to hear stories of babies she helped. One example I vividly remember is a baby who had a heart defect and required heart surgery, but needed to gain enough to be at a healthy enough weight in order to undergo the surgery. The baby was allergic to formula, but the baby's mother had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and I believe had a mastectomy. So Kelley's milk was used to nourish this little baby until he gained enough weight to have his life-saving surgery. And that's just one story.

When I heard what Kelley was doing, I drew on my PR background and pitched their story to the Dallas/Ft. Worth network stations. The CBS station picked it up immediately, and did a story on Kelley and Leo and their family.

As often happens, this led to an invitation to Kelley to speak at a national conference of milk banks, where in the audience happened to be a documentary filmmaker who was making a movie about the importance of human milk donation. He has since made Kelley the star of his documentary. The film, called Prescription Milk: The Documentary, will be released this year. Info on the film:

Starring: Kelley Durrant, Kim Updegrove, Christal Suson

Directed By: Kevin Douglas West

Plot Outline: Every baby deserves human milk and every grieving parent deserves to heal. Stricken by the loss of her pre-term baby girl, Kelley finds a way to heal by becoming a breast milk donor for other sick infants in the NICU. She encounters a world of giving volunteers, academics, practitioners, and one little special boy. This film chronicles the altruistic milk donations made by mothers as well as the service and science of milk banking.

Awards: Prescription Milk is based on the short film, Mother's Milk which won the 2010 "Best Houston Production" at the WorldFest Houston Film Festival.

Produced By: Jarred King & Kevin Douglas West

Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/PrescriptionMilk

And here is the trailer:




Why am I sharing this? For one, to remember how these experiences have affected me, and what examples these women are to me. Two, we hear so many negative stories, that I wanted to pass along some stories of triumph after the tears. And three, because I truly believe that the errand of angels is given to women.

A thousand tears

Today was supposed to have been a great day. I was going to spend part of the day in Boulder with the three girls from one of my book clubs, a book club field trip of sorts. We had searched for a day weeks ago, and had all cleared our schedules and set aside today as the day.

Instead, we watched our dear friend bury her precious, sweet daughter today. Oh, be still my soul.

It has been a painful, sad, heart-wrenching week. At the same time, there have been some uplifting, testimony-building moments. Out of respect for my friend, I do not wish to share her story of loss, but rather my experiences this week in mourning with one who mourns, and comforting one who stands in need of comfort.

I found out last Thursday that my dear friend Paula lost her beautiful and precious 5-month-old daughter Katherine unexpectedly when she laid her down for a morning nap, and she never awoke.

Paula, myself and the two other dear friends met more than 7 years ago, and have comprised a book club for 6 1/2 years. In that time, these girls have become like sisters to me. With the exception of Brian's family, none of us has any family nearby. Many times we have been family to each other: spending holidays together, countless get-togethers, dinners out, book club meetings, overnight trips, shopping, church functions, play dates and more. We have surely shouldered some heavy burdens over the years. But the loss of a child is unlike anything else.

The day after Katherine's passing, the three of us visited Paula and spent several hours with her. I will never forget those hours as long as I live, as our friend shared with us the horrendous and indescribable events of the previous day. I think we all (family and close friends) feel somewhat traumatized by things, although we were not physically there with her. There are some things I cannot get out of my head.

On Monday I brought dinner to Paula's family, and while Paula was not home, I was able to spend some time with her wonderful family. Tuesday evening was the visitation, which consisted solely of immediate family, and us three friends. Katherine looked beautiful in her sweet white dress and tiny pink ballet slippers. But seeing her there with a small, pink casket was more than my heart could bear. Yet I have been amazed at the strength and grace Paula has shown this week. She is a rock. You'd be hard-pressed to find a stronger example of faith, scripture knowledge, temple attendance and prayer. I feel so entirely inadequate to know that I have learned so much from her, in her hour of need.

The funeral and graveside dedication were today. Katherine was buried in a part of the cemetery reserved for small children, in which there is a beautiful statue of an angel carrying an infant heaven-ward. Paula had asked us girls to accompany her there to see it up close, and we were all so touched by this statue. Surely countless angels accompanied Katherine from this life to the next one last Thursday.

There are no words to describe witnessing two loving parents mourn the loss of their child. None. Yet I know that Paula and Mike - as have I- have already found much solace and peace in the gospel, knowing we have a loving Savior and Father in Heaven and there is a plan of salvation for each of us, and that we have the glorious blessing of eternal families.

As I sat with Paula several days ago, I remarked how strange it felt that the world kept moving as though nothing had happened, that it seemed as though everything should come to a standstill. "But it doesn't," she said. "It just keeps moving." The trick, I suppose, is finding out a way to once again move with it. I imagine it's a process that can be years in the making.

I love Paula like a sister, and still can't fully comprehend that Katherine is gone. I keep picturing that scene from Steel Magonolias where Sally Field's character is describing her daughter's death to her friends; all they can do is listen and cry, and then, after a bit, find a way to laugh, at which point Dolly Parton's character says, "laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." Because that, really, is what friends are for.

I pray for Paula, Mike and their 3 other children. To be comforted. To be healed. And to be together again someday.